Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Are we ready?

I read the latest post by Ily and it's a good question she asked - whether she and her husband are ready to go through fertility treatment - a step further than IUI. 

We have tried a cycle with Clomid & HCG without IUI, and then followed by the same meds but with IUIs. 3 times that is. All failed.Why is it so hard for some to get pregnant? Why is it so easy for others? Everywhere I turn, someone somehow is pregnant. Either by choice, or by accident. But the point is, they are pregnant. And no, I am not jealous or upset. In fact, I am very happy to see someone with a pregnant belly. Does God love her more and trust her more than He does with me to bring a life into this world? Well, I don't blame Him if He does, since I had lost my faith long ago and I am still learning to gain it back.

Anyway, all questions aside. Are we ready? Are we ready to plunge into it? ICSI will be a better option for us, per the gynea's say. Are we ready to spend anything between RM10,000.00 - RM20,000.00 just for a glimpse of hope of having a child we call our own? That's a lot of money. Yes, I just had to add the zero's to the dot. We don't have a saving where we could just dig in from. It's going to be a loan. And loans don't come cheap. Are we ready for all the appointments on specific day cycle? Are we ready for all the injections that I would have to administer daily? Are we ready for my hormonal change that can go crazy? As it is, with Clomid and HCG alone, I have gone crazy. Are we ready for my body to change? Hormonal changes = body changes = putting on weight = low self esteem = a lot of negativity. Are we ready to take that next step? 

Are WE ready for real? 

Honestly, I don't know. Especially after this episode that happened to me. I don't know anymore. Is my husband ready? I got to ask him. I used to be able to speak on behalf of us on this, but I just don't know right now. 
All images in this post is courtesy of Google Images

BUT

I know that I do not want to regret one day looking back and say "We should have tried IVF or ICSI". If after ICSI we still fail (hopefully God will forbid), I won't have any regrets. 

Oh, and I would definitely get a Chihuahua.
And continue to work to pay off the loan! Ouch!

8 comments:

  1. whichever the choice, do make the best of it.

    i hope there is a baby in u're future. with or without the chihuahua.

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  2. Aww thank you for your well wishes! Appreciate it!

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  3. Hi dear. Sgt suka baca entry ini. Rasa mcm luahan perasaan sendiri. I keep asking that question to myself since balik appointment smlm. Unfortunately i still dont have the answer..yet. IVF is something yg memerlukan persediaan dari semua segi. I tatau i mampu harungi atau tak. Tapi u are right, better try semua drpd kita regret kan? I need strength!

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    1. Thanks Ily. It was your post that gave me the inspiration to write this. Memang betul, better try semua yg kita boleh, daripada regret. May you have the strength to pull through this journey and may it be fruitful! *hugs*

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  4. AnonymousJuly 19, 2012

    i know how you feel and i ve also have been thinking the same thing and wonder if it will hapen to me. i need to have someone that i can talk two that knows the pain when others ting that mabe we dont want a family of our own. when in relaty we do want one and just cant. well good luck to us both

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    1. True, not everyone will understand. I found comfort from the world wide web. Thanks to all the TTCians who share their journey. That's how I decided, I will share mine too. Even if it may be too much info, I will share details of my laparascopy, hsg, IUIs, everything. We all experience the journey differently. You can always follow my blog, and write to me, if you ever want to talk. Baby dust to all of us! *hugs*

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  5. Babe, in life if you want something badly, you try everything you can do to get it, if it doesnt work out at least you can tell yourself you tried. So go ahead, money can be earned but should the ICSI work out well for you (and yes it will, have faith!) then you'll have a wonderful journey ahead of you which you'll forever cherish *hugs*

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    1. It's true what you have said babe. And yes, money can be earned. But lately, I have been having random thoughts which even includes the fear of weight gain (referring to my earlier post). Nonetheless, I do want to try everything rather than regretting. Thank you babe, for always being there, supporting me. Hugs!

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