Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Small Steps

Yes, I am getting there. I am getting to where I was. Seeking HIS blessings at all times. Yes, I am beginning to climb that step. Yes, I am no hypocrite. Hence, no, I have not started my daily nitnem (prayers).

Yes, we have begun to go to HIS Home. The first time that hubby and I went, I found it difficult to even take the first step towards HIS home. I sat in the car beginning to have cold sweat. Felt like my whole body has just froze. Hubby held my hands, and walked me to the compound. He told me to take my time. Even if I can't enter the Darbar today, it's okay. FYI, the Darbar Sahib refers to the main hall within a Sikh gurdwara. This hall is where the holy text, current and perpetual Guru of the Sikhs, the Guru Granth Sahib is placed on a takhat or throne in a prominent central position in the hall.

See, I hate doing something just to show. I believe no matter how much a person portrays any kind of fakeness, you can't hide your deepest feelings from HIM. HE knows it all. So yes, I don't pray just because I want people to see I am praying. If I am going to do it, then I do it with my body, mind & soul focused on it. Otherwise, what's the point?  I won't put on mp3 hymns if I don't sincerely want it to be playing. Just like these many months, not even 1 minute of it was ever played. Yes, everyone was surprised - from what to what I became. But it's true, no matter how much you try to run from HIM, you know that it is only HE who will give you what you truly need.

I ran, ran far away. I was bitter. I had hatred. But at the end of the day, here I am. Getting back on track. Thanks to my grandparents who taught me this path.

"Small steps. Take small steps. You will do just fine." - Hubby's words to me.

4 comments:

  1. Glad you're getting back on track. And yes your hubby is right, baby steps, one at a time ya. Have faith. Always.

    ReplyDelete
  2. dont worry too much about what other people think. something will be said no matter what you do.

    so just worry about what u are thinking and feeling.

    kinda understand the 'reluctance' of going there. for me it was like having some really dirty foot and to get it clean is to walk into a clean marble floor. kinda felt like i'd be dirtying the place to get meself cleaned up. something like that. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First of all, thank you! Honestly, I have never been someone who cared about what people have got to say or think. I guess it's like what you say - 'reluctance'. My reluctance came from anger, which is very bad! :)

      Delete

Let's communicate!