Those who have gone through IVF/ICSI for the first time, those who couldn't afford, yet found a way, those who gave their all, and at the end got a negative - would understand that this journey IS the highest roller coaster ride ever. Get ready to be whacked upside down emotionally, mentally and physically.
Did we learn anything? Yes. We learnt why I suffer monthly during my periods. I have something called adenomyosis. It's a relation of endometriosis. Yeah, never was it diagnosed earlier - not even during the laparoscopy.
We learnt how my body responses to these drugs. I know that I didn't have much menopausal symptoms. Just a wee bit here and there. I didn't gain weight. My ovaries responded slow. But still ended up having 7 eggs. Not too sure on hubby's sperm analysis as we haven't met up with the doctor yet. But we did get two embies out of the whole thing.
I never knew I was addicted to coffee until I made myself stop completely esp after the egg retrieval.
I learnt that I have family and friends who would do just about anything to see us get back to our feet. Friends who we don't even know. Friends who only know us through my blog. Just to see a smile even for a second - as a friend wrote on a card. I learnt that my brother actually can have a conversation with me. And not just that, he made me laugh.
We learnt that no matter how hard we may try at something, HE has the final say. We just have to accept what's written for us. And to accept, we have to ask Him to give us the strength. So no matter what life throws you, don't be angry at Him. You still need Him to help you pull through it all.
I learnt that not having anger in me has made me recover better. I've not made it harder on my husband because if I was angry, I would be bitter from inside, and it would have shown on the outside.
I learnt that sometimes you got to grief on your own. Only then you get to truly move on. I learnt that by not speaking or meeting anyone for a couple of days made me dwell in my sorrows and when I was done, I had the energy to confront the topic.
I learnt that my husband despite being hurt himself, made himself so strong, just so that he can pick me up and make me feel calm and safe in his arms. For that I thank God. It's going to be 8 years soon, and only we know what we have gone through, and for him to still stand by me so strong, is just beyond description.
I am still blessed.