Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Sexless Marriage

I quote my own previous post "It's very easy for a man or woman to go astray. But it takes a lot to be truly faithful to one, no matter what your relationship may be going through. Whether it's financially strained, trying to conceive, lost of passion, no sex drive, you name it....  the couple who can still be faithful to one another despite anything, is really something!"

Lost of passion, no sex drive? Hmmm It's causing this to come back. There goes my self esteem yet again. No matter how good I look, no matter how much weight I have lost, what difference did it make? Nothing at all. Instead, I am getting attention from others. Not something I was looking for. The attention I want is from my husband. But it's tempting. But it's not right.
No matter how many times I lie to myself and say everything is fine, it isn't.

I wrote a post in September last year... published it, then I unpublished it. Well, it's up again. This means, this topic has sprung up a few times now. 

I have tried everything. But I can't be the only one trying. How long am I going to lie to myself? How long more do I wait for a change to happen? Another reason for IVF was because I knew it wouldn't happen naturally. That's the truth. There, I said it.

Near perfect relationship minus sex, intimacy, caress & touch = my marriage.  

Now you would ask, is intimacy really that important? You would be lying if you said no. 
There are many things that are important in a marriage, and yes, intimacy is one of them. 

Did you know that couples break up because of a sexless marriage? Yes, they do. And do you also know that sexless marriage is considered when you have sex less than 10 times a year? Wait, yes, we have had sex, but trust me, it was only because we wanted to try to have a child. And no caress, no foreplay nothing. It's timed according to hubby's timing. Hah! Why remain married, and have all the responsibilities as a wife & a daughter in law (or a husband if you are the one who is deprived of intimacy)? I can stilll remain best friends. There won't be any expectation in this department. But the thought of it makes me cry. I would literally be killing another human being too.

Hope it doesn't take him too long to see what's happening..... Because by then I might not want to be touched by him at all - then it'll be too late. Why? Because I feel like a friend, room mate, house mate, maid, best friend. I feel he is just used to me being around. I am only a namesake wife. 

It's killing me inside, slowly. But surely. 

Smoke anyone?