Saturday, June 22, 2013

The truth

We have been contemplating on trying again. We just haven't made up our mind what do we try. Traditional? ICSI? Supplements? As much as I started reading up on some information here and there, hubby has been a bit off the path. 
Back to the drawing board

Finally one night, he sat me down and he talked. He says he is definitely wanting to try again, anything or everything, BUT the image of me crying or rather wailing my lungs out hasn't really been put behind. That image still haunts him. And he says he just can't see me go through what we did all over again. Because as much as we want to be positive, we still have to be strong enough to cope if it is a negative. 

I just nodded. Memories fled back of January 15th. It is true, he may be able to pull through it again, but I may not be able to. Only those who are in this journey would understand what I mean. Well, wait, even those who had gone through this journey and were successful at the end, can forget how to be sensitive towards us who are still trying - so no, only we understand what we feel. 

Perhaps that is why I couldn't sleep at night. Bad dreams - one after another. My mind wasn't in peace. 

Anyway, one thing I know - we will try again, just not too sure when. But definitely before I am 35. Cuz I don't think I want to try after I pass that age. And when we do try, it will be full fledged commitment from us both.

8 comments:

  1. for my second ivf, i know what to expect and i know better to keep my emotion in check -not too hopefull, yet still hoping (dunno if this makes any sense to u). But of course when it failed the hurt and sadness was the same. But i recover faster than my 1st ivf. What doesn't kill u makes u stronger, perhaps? Hopefully u'll find the strength and courage to take the journey again, and i sincerely hope u'll make it this time around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's true, that when and if we were to embark on a 2nd one, I won't be too nervous. I would know what to expect, what to do etc. The first round, I was too careful with everything. But I guess, if it's meant to stick, it would have no matter what.

      Thanks dear! I hope so too that we will have the courage and strength. (and mooolah!)

      Delete
  2. regardless of if/when/how you try know that we are there for the both of you ... hugs ... everything i believe has a time and place ... and this is something that I had learned from you ... you taught me that golden rule that nothing happens without HIS permission in this world ... so im certain HE has plans for you ... who knows HE wants us sisters to go through that journey together ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldnt have said it any better than you TheMrs. She's right. Everything has its time and place. The Almighty does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.

      Delete
    2. Thanks Ladies. Indeed it is true, HE knows what's best and plans are all in HIS hands. I honestly hope it's true that HE doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear. Hugs!!

      Delete
  3. :)...my last attempt was neg again...:)... so lets try again together... ur not alone darling.. i knw it will happen soon.. hugs n luv to u..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so very sorry! Wish I had words that could comfort, but I know that there isn't anything anyone can say or do that would be of comfort. Hugs!

      Delete
    2. Haha...dun b sorry darl.. im fine.. im jz taking it s I have more time to do d stuff I need to do .. hugs to u too... faster try agn.. I cant wait fr d news.. luv ya

      Delete

Let's communicate!