Friday, September 27, 2013

Dyschezia

Google Images
Constipation (also known as costiveness or dyschezia) refers to bowel movements that are infrequent or hard to pass.Constipation is a common cause of painful defecation. Severe constipation includes obstipation (failure to pass stools or gas) and fecal impaction, which can progress to bowel obstruction and become life-threatening. - Wikipedia

Google Images
I purposely used a different word instead of constipation as the title. Hahah Well, it's a problem I have been facing for many years. It sucks. Wait a minute, before you begin to think of things for me to try, let me tell you this: I have tried almost everything. Bananas, psylium husk, yoghurt, oats, cultured drinks, papayas and I can't remember what else. 

I used to take laxatives before we did IVF, but then stopped for obvious reasons. Recently I tried NH Vege Plus. It worked wonders. But alas, when I bought the second box, it just stopped working for me.

Constipation suck! When I don't go for days, I end up feeling super bloated, get headaches, feel uncomfortable. 

There is daily input, but no output. Aiihhhh

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Collaboration with Bag of Love

I am doing a collaboration with Bag of Love. I am sure you would have heard of this beauty bag. I tried it's April bag and couldn't help to go ahead and purchase a full size of this particular product:



Damn, it makes me fall asleep better. Try it for yourself, and you would be amazed. 

I tried other beauty box before, but was not happy with what was in it. As for Bag of Love, it even made me go get the full size product. So go figure!

Anyway, back to the topic - I am starting something small - a tiny, part time business. Planning to have anything from read books, to magazines, to scented sachets, candles etc etc. I am looking to add more products. My aim is to have just about anything at Just Everythingz :) 


I am considering getting in phone covers - sold at cheaper price of course. 
 Probably most things available should be under RM20. What do you think?


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

To quit or not to quit

2013 seems to just keep bringing more challenges to face. Spending 8 hours a day at a place where you no longer have the motivation to be in, can be one of the worst thing that can happen to you. Dragging yourself out of bed. Having no mood to get up and start the day. It can weigh you down so much by the time it's 5pm, and you get to go home. 

Sigh.

Updates:
I think sometimes it's just the devil in my head. Haha
Got to just continue to be grateful I have a job, and above all, a God sent boss.

So there's no question about it anymore. Pheww

Friday, September 20, 2013

Falling in love all over again

I remember the day we expressed our feelings to each other. He was at his place, me at mine. I was so shy that I covered my face with a pillow while speaking to him. I had butterflies in my stomach. Felt like dancing away, screaming my lungs out. I never really felt in love before him. Well, I was more like a girl out for fun. One after another. No any serious relationships. Just guys of that moment. That was 23rd March 2004. 



Almost a year later, we got married and there was just love, but I was no longer in love. From the first week of our marriage, it was all thorns, tears, abuse, fear, and I just kept doing what I had to do. Things did become better after a couple of years, and after 5 years, things seemed to settle down until 26th March this year when I asked myself - why am I in this marriage when we live like roommates? 

Fast forward to this day - well, I have the answer. Because we love each other too much, we would have missed out on what's happening now if I had walked out. 

It is true, everything happens for a reason. The delusional disorder which led to seeing the doctor, then we had a heart to heart and a very open talk, and now here we are - 8 years 4 months into our marriage, that we both feel like we are falling in love all over again.

Marriage is hard work. Don't let people fool you into thinking otherwise. Just like how it takes two to tango, it takes two to make the marriage work.

Talk. Communicate. Your partner is not a mind reader. I admit, I did talk at the beginning of my frustration, but it didn't quite get though to him. But thank God there was an intervention from a third party, or should I say a professional neutral party -  which obviously helped us to communicate. Talking to friends or family, won't get you too far. Unless your family is like my Bro & SIL. They didn't "implant" any decision in my head. The drawback - only I was talking. Hubs wasn't talking to anyone. Well, he only has me, but I wasn't "listening" either. Being too frustrated, anything he tells me used to get me to snap easily.

Today I feel he wants me as his woman. He does all these little things that makes a big difference to me. Helping me clean up, throw out the garbage, paying the bills, calling the electrician, cooking, fold the clothes etc etc... All these little things he is doing now, he does it with an open heart. We joke, we laugh, we talk, make out, make love. It feels like we are beginning to get our mojo. We were very young when we got married. We have learnt a lot along the way. We have grown up and are matured adults. It's time to live like a married couple for real. 

We are discovering us all over again. Yes, we are falling in love all over again. Maturely. It's time.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Delusional Disorder

Delusional disorder is an uncommon psychiatric condition in which patients present with non-bizarre delusions, but with no accompanying prominent hallucinations, thought disorder, mood disorder, or significant flattening of affect.Delusions are a type of psychotic symptom. Non-bizarre delusions are fixed false beliefs that involve situations that could potentially occur in real life; examples include being followed, or that microwaved food, TV antennae, cellphones, and lap computers cause radiation poisoning (as is believed by the Fa Cha Chi Gong spiritual belief. Apart from their delusions, people with delusional disorder may continue to socialize and function in a normal manner and their behaviour does not generally seem odd or bizarre. However, the preoccupation with delusional ideas can be disruptive to their overall lives. -Wikipedia-

Wondering why am I writing about this? Well, The Mr had this issue that lasted a couple of months. And it's because of this issue, we ended up seeing the psychiatrist which in the end, helped our marriage. Hubs was so stuck to an idea that he has a disease that it ruined his day to day living. He became depressed, even stopped going to work at one point, and became a very mentally & emotionally very weak. The thought ate him up. Or rather the belief. Despite doing numerous tests (locally & in Singapore), yet he could not accept the fact and logic that he is fine. Finally on August 29th, when he became most depressed, I took the bold step to force him to see a psychiatrist as I could no longer handle it. As it is, I was contemplating separation, this was just too much for me to handle. I knew he needed professional help. I can no longer talk him out of it. I believe I did everything to support him - especially at the spur of the moment, to take him to Singapore upon his request. 

Fast forward today - the intervention of a medical professional (third party) - was what we both needed. We immediately realized what issues we had to work on. We went to the doctor for hubs issue, but ended up this intervention helped save our marriage. 

No doubt, hubs is still fighting the disorder, but it doesn't control him as frequently as it used to. He is stronger now in fighting it. 

So the reason I am writing this is to let you all know that if you feel your marriage has reached a point of breaking up for any reason at all, please see a counselor or a psychiatrist before you walk out. You just never know what can happen. You haven't given it your all if you haven't exhausted all your options. That being said, do it if your marriage is worth saving la. If he or she is a cheater, then I don't think I will blink an eye to decide what to do.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

To join or not to join


Yes, that's the question. To join or not to join the gym. 

We surveyed Celebrity Fitness in SS2 Mall, since it's the nearest. It's definitely cheaper than Fitness First (the gym hubby is currently in). You don't even have to rent towels! They have a few aerobic classes that caught my interest and also the cycling RPM class.

We took a tour, and it's a simple, new setup. Up to last night, I was leaning more to the idea of joining it. Despite contemplating the idea of spending RM142 every month for 1 year - not even knowing if I am going to actually get my lazy ass out of the house once I am home. You see, once I am home, I'd rather just stay home. Would I be comfortable with the many people that would be there. Hmmm 

The verdict: It's a no go. 

I'd rather spend and get a good mp3 player - walk, jog on our treadmill on the weekdays, and go to the parks on the weekends. All I need is cardio, not strength training. Well, not yet. For now, I need to lose the fat and the weight. 


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Where's your choice to do marketing?

Since I have started cooking again, or more like I have told myself I will start cooking at home like before (for obvious reasons of eating healthy, and in turn, save money and lose weight!)... marketing was on the to do plan.

Lately, we started doing our marketing at Jaya Grocer. Two Saturdays back, I decided to accompany my mom to the morning wet market and I would do some marketing there as well. Now, call me diva'ish, but man oh man, I so wanted to drop everything and just get my marketing done at Jaya Grocer! 

Firstly, you got to hunt for a parking. Secondly, push your way to the overcrowded market. Thirdly, the heat doesn't help either. Forth, carrying all the things by yourself as compared to just pushing a bloody cart in an air conditioned market!

The only pros I see is buying fresh chicken and fish. 

Anyway, when I got home, I decided to wash all the vegetables and dry them before storing. Here's what I got (though some of it was already washed, dried and stored):


Friday, September 13, 2013

Handbag hunt

I've never really paid much attention to handbags. I don't have any collection to start with. I've bought handbags before, but it's always on a strict budget. The only branded handbag that I owned was a Gucci brand, that too bought on a sale! My handbags have never crossed the RM150 mark. The lower the price, the better for me. Well, fast forward till a few weeks ago, I told myself it's time I buy a proper handbag. I am 32 and that's the least I should have. After all, a handbag is an important accessory to a woman just as a watch is to a man, right? Err I think so.

Well, last weekend, hubby took me to The Gardens, and said to me that I ought to buy a handbag and it will be a gift from him. I was touched, no doubt, but then I went like "Why Gardens? Why not Metrojaya?". Hahah

Anyway, after walking in and out of Coach & Longchamp, and walking all the way to Metrojaya and then back again in to Coach & Longchamp, I finally own these:







Thank you hubby!


Thursday, September 12, 2013

Burgers by The Mr

Last weekend, hubs said he had planned the Saturday and for me to go along with it. I decided to be open and said okay. We went for a simple breakfast nearby, and then came home relaxed & did a bit of chores, and then he tells me, let's go out for a bit. I thought we were going for early lunch. Instead, we parked at Jaya 33 and he took me to Jaya Grocer. He told me to grab a cart and follow him. Huh? He then stopped near the meat section and said "Ok, I better just tell you, because I will need help. I want to make burgers for lunch". He had mentioned this before, but here we are, and he's dead serious about it!

We bought the ingredients - his recipe by the way. I just suggested along the way and he was the decision maker on everything to do with the burgers. I even told him, hey, you can get ready made patties - easier for you. But he didn't opt for that. 

I was just the sous chef. I helped to cut and wash. He did everything from mincing the chicken breast, to chopping onions and carrots, to seasoning, to mixing the whole thing with hand, to making patties, to putting it on the chefel & another non stick flat pan to assembling the burgers! 

This is the FIRST time ever he has cooked in his life, what more make a proper lunch for us! (Boiling eggs, and making peanut butter sandwiches don't count okay).

Anyway, the burgers turned out super delicious! I was speechless. Seriously speechless. Guilt free pulak tu!

Here are some photos of hubby's awesome home made burgers: 



 





Thursday, September 5, 2013

What's wrong with me?

A few months ago, I went on a diet, without any hesitation. I told myself, hell yeah, I can and will do it. Fast forward many months now - I just can't seem to get my head around it. And heart too. Apa dah jadi ni?

My weight is increasing by the day. Although the doctor has already told me the reason, but I still think I can control it. But the thing is, I am not doing anything except to think about losing weight. Haha How stupid!

The new medicine, Visanne, that I am on and have already started - one of the side effects is weight gain! Makes me even more annoyed. Isn't there some kind of pill that works like a magic??

I clicked on the "fitness" label on this blog and I am like whoa! I did that? I followed a strict diet plan AND exercised?? 

On another note, I almost tendered my resignation today.

Maybe finally I am burnt out mentally, emotionally, physically... so I just have no fight in me left. Zero.

Or maybe it's the damn fucking hormones!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Voltaren 50mg Suppository


The doc at PCMC prescribed me the above for my PMDD. On Sunday early morning, around 2am, I knew I was getting my period. I immediately inserted 1 pill into my V. I instantly felt a burning sensation but brushed it off. No doubt, I didn't feel any pain at my lower abdomen throughout the night. Which was awesome. BUT it backed fired towards later in the morning. I had diarrhea for almost 3 hours. And ended with a UTI by evening.
 
Voltaren suppository does the job, but I am not willing to endure the side effects, what more when I am having my PMDD to deal with. It sucks. 

So PMDD, let's shake hands and continue this journey. Sigh. I can't seem to get rid of you eh?

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Talking to your spouse about Sex


Have you ever spoken to your spouse about your fantasy? What you like and dislike doing & be done upon? In 8 years, I could never speak to hubs about sex. Complaining about having no sexual life and my frustration to the point of asking myself "Why am I in this marriage?" - was what it was all about. Better I be alone and have no expectation, no need for being a wife, a DIL, etc etc. Right? 

Then came "the talk". Now how we ended up having the talk is another story, another day.

We spoke about an issue that he was facing, and then that led to the issue at hand as well - SEX. Ooooo the taboo word innit? Oh c'mon. 

My fantasy before I got married was to have a threesome - MMF that is. Hah!

We never spoke about it before because this topic was something he used to just brush it off. But I think every couple should be open about it. I mean, how would you know if you don't ask and listen to your partner - whether he/she likes oral sex? Role play? Whether he/she likes to explore? I mean if you can't even talk about it, then something is wrong right? Either one of the partner will definitely reach to the point where I am. Or should I say, was, a few days ago. 

I am glad that conversation happened. I accept the fact that his libido is 6 feet underground, but he has to accept the fact that mine is not. At all. So that's how I am so bloody frustrated. I am glad he is coming out of the cocoon. He is beginning to talk. He is beginning to show that he loves me, in that way. In a way only a husband can make a wife feel. Unless of course, the wife starts to wonder around, and start having flings. Which I am very much against. If you wanna do that, then leave and do it.

He is beginning to instill confidence in me, that he can be the husband I need. He just needs a bit more time to be over with this issue that is in his head right now. Hey, like the psychiatrist we met said to me, "You've been in this for 8 years, wait a few more months before you decide anything". 

Yes, I believe miracles can happen. But I was beginning to be impatient.

To walk out of something, is easy. To take time to consider, fight over it, do anything to try to save it, is something else all together. 

Monday, September 2, 2013

Sad blog?

Let me say this - hubby hates my blog :( 

He says it's too painful for him to read. In my defense I told him, it's where I pour my heart out without any hesitation, without having to think twice. I just write my inner feelings. I then asked him - did you subscribe to my blog? He says no. I said ahh, so you check on it often? He said no, only when he feels something is on my mind and I am not saying it out loud. Sneaky eh? 

Well, I have nothing to hide from him. So no, I am not going to change how I blog :)