Thursday, March 27, 2014

My Hero

Today is my brother's birthday. (Oh wait, now that I have finished this post, it's already the next day!). I decided to write about him, for him. Here's a little something to start with: 

Because of you, I exist
Because of how you are
I am the luckiest sister around
Hope you have a blessed birthday, is my wish
and may you always be in good health,
love, happiness, success and
never a day for you to frown

So yes, because of him I exist. You see, my mom had difficulties conceiving even my brother, what more me? He one day asked our mom, why his other cousins had siblings and he had no one to play with. So my mom told him why don't you pray and ask for one. And so he did. Lo and behold, after 5 years I popped out. It must have been his biggest nightmare most times I'm sure! 

I was close to him when we were younger but I also remember fighting a lot. There was once, I saw a small table toy fan, or whatever you call it, and when I knew he had one, I got angry with my mom for buying him and not me one. Oh God, that was so lame, but you know how kids are right?

He taught me how to play badminton and we used to play at the lane next to our house in Johor. I remember when there were burglars who were at the rooftop, he bravely held a parang (if my memory serves me right), just in case they managed to come in. Me? My first reaction was to go under his study table. 

When my parents went abroad to work, we followed too. But when my brother realized he would rather continue his secondary school in Malaysia, I insisted that I come back too. "If he is going, I am going back too". 

He was the person I went to when I got my period in primary 5. Yeap, my brother. He was taking a nap, and I went to him and told him I am bleeding and I have something grandma said as "period". He took out his Biology book, flipped through, and gave me to read. 

On my 16th birthday, he bought me a portable CD player. Back then, it was a big thing. He took me to watch my first movie in the cinema, Khal Nayak. I don't remember going with my parents, but I remember my brother taking me. He even took me to KL Tower because I kept telling him I want to see what it is. Ahh you know, the eager kampung girl. He would call me almost everyday, just to ask how I am. 

As I grew into a teenager, I became more distant. Our relationship began to fade. There was even a point, I didn't even speak to him. Anyway, it is thanks to my SIL, that my relationship with my brother grew again. And today, I cannot express in words how proud I am of him.

When NanaJi passed away, the love, the care, the concern that he showed me, I was just blown away. Just the way he gave me a hug expressed his love for his sister. I am forever in debt for what he has done for me. 

He worked really hard to get to where he is today. I can say that he worked from ground below and found his way up through many challenges, obstacles and hardship. He is even a Masters holder today. That too, he obtained when he was married with two kids! 

Image Source: Google
He is the son every parent will want, a brother every sister would wish for, a husband every wife would dream to have, a father every child will be proud of. He is my hero. 

Yes, I am proud to be his sister. I know I don't reach up to him in any way, but I would give him my life in a blink of an eye. 

Oh did I mention, he is a man of few words. Nevertheless, I love him to bits! 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

24 hours

Google Images

Twenty Four hours... not enough? Really? I was thinking about it after I wrote this. Do we really have no time at all, or are our priorities messed up? I think it's messed up. You can do a lot in a day / night. Yes, I am guilty too. If only I woke up earlier in the day, I could get more done. If only I would take a power nap in the afternoon, I would be able to stay alert at night and probably could get some work done. Yes, work that pays me money. If I stop stressing, I would be able to have a calmer mind and be happy doing whatever I have to do. Probably I should enjoy my drives alone to and fro my parents house. I should take that as my "me time" and yes, stop getting worked up when I am stuck in traffic! 

So, do you have enough time? Do you even have time to just sip a cup of coffee without having your mind do a checklist? I have yet to be able to do that. Ahh yes, get my priorities straight. Hahah 

I am not sure if I am able to do it, but it's worth a try no? 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

I was beginning to....

Well hello hello.... After almost two weeks, here I am. Just when I was beginning to get into a routine of my daily chores, my freelance work, my responsibilities, which (un)fortunately are so very many - my mom injured her shoulder and long story short, is going in for a surgery next month. Well, talk about wearing so many hats eh? 

Pic Source: Google Images
It was at the beginning too overwhelming. I went like, really? I thought during NanaJi's time I was like a headless chicken. But I guess I was wrong. I'm back to being a caretaker and do everything else that I am suppose to do. I am trying to be calm about it now. I know I got to do it, so no point getting all tensed and giving in to my body who may be screaming, hey woman, take a break will ya? 

Well, I am giving myself a break by writing now :)

Pic Source: Google Images
Amazingly, I have no time despite not working full time now. Yes, literally no time. If I am not in my home, or at my parents, then I am on the road. Point to note, I dislike driving in the hot bloody heat and in traffic jams. It took me once 1 hour just from my parents to my place, which is usually 15 - 20 minutes! 

All said and done, I am sure NanaJi will get me through this. No?

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Update on TTC


A lot of you have been asking me if we are going to continue any treatment. No, we're not. I think I've had just about enough of medical intervention. I wanted to try everything medically possible, and we did. So I have no regrets in the future. I won't go "Oh, we should have tried". 

If we are meant to be parents, we will be. Otherwise, we are happy to be just us two :) 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hello!

As you all know, I have been absent for a long time. I went into shock and depression. I was the longest to come out of the shock of losing my NanaJi. But thanks to HIM, NanaJi, and my family who prayed for me, I didn't drown in depression. I came out of it. I knew I would or rather I have to, but I also knew I needed time. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Though there have been times part of me thought, that's it - depression will be my identity. 

Thank you to everyone who wrote in. I am finally replying to your emails. Thank you again.