Friday, October 26, 2012

The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Secrets. We all have secrets - but it is to what degree our secrets are - that's the question. This is a story about a husband who kept it a secret from his wife, that only one of their twin survived during childbirth. Only their son Paul. Their daughter, Phoebe, had died. In actual fact, no, she didn't. Phoebe was very much alive but had Down Syndrome. He thought he was doing his wife and himself a favor. He has a sister who died at a very young age - had Down Syndrome too.

But this secret made their relationship grow apart. His wife could never figure him out. What's on his mind. They hardly communicated. His son was just there, growing up.

One day, he died. And one year later, the nurse who was told to take their newborn daughter to an insitituition for Down Syndrome - did not have the heart to leave Phoebe there. She took care of Phoebe. Fought for her many fights - just to ensure she gets an education and healthcare. She came knocking on the wife's door - telling her the truth. That the daughter whom she thought she lost giving birth, is alive. Happy and alive. 

It ends by them all keeping in touch. Visiting each other. But to Phoebe, Caroline Gill (the nurse) is her mother.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Forbidden Love by Karen Robards

He was her guardian. She was his ward.  It all started with Megan tried to get the attention of her absentee guardian, Justin. Well, attention is what she got. She lost her virginity to him. She was 17, he was in his late 30s. Along the way, there was love, there was hate. He was married. She didn't know. As much as they despise each other, they love each other too. 

Then comes the pregnancy. How she adamantly said she wants to marry Donald. And that she loved him. Which was a total lie. Just to protect her child. How he left her at an estate far away, with just letters to take her through. When she was about to give birth, he proposed. They got married, but lost their baby. He was to choose - his wife or his child. He chose his wife.

It has a happy ending. They live happily and were blessed with a daughter.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

IVF - 1st step

Hopes crushed. Feel like a failure of not being able to conceive. This time I feel bad not for myself, but for my husband. He had hope. And I know how it feels when one has hope. And when that hope crushes, I know that feeling too.

Today we took the first step of the long staircase to IVF. Blood was drawn from us both for the various testing. Next Thursday is our appointment - discussing on the blood work results, and probably other nitty-gritty details.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

To buy or not to buy.... To buy

I have been wanting to get a good pan. I tried a stainless steel pan and it didn't serve me right. You see, I cook with hardly any oil, so I guess as much as I try not to use to non stick, I got to get back to it. I used to use the non stick from IKEA. Yes, the cheapo ones - I think about RM8 for one small pan. I had like 3 of it. But eventually, the coating had some scratches and knowing how I am, immediately I threw it out. Oh please, don't ever believe your MIL if they say "the pan can still be used". Don't. 

I came across the highly advertised 'flip & cook' pans, or also known as the 'happy call' pans. I did some search on the web and most had good stuff to say about it. Yes, they've tried and tested. I may just take the plunge and purchase it. It's available in Cosway too. I hope it really does the job for me cuz it's not so cheap. RM159 for members with 4 RPs. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A dream

I had a dream on Monday night
A dream that I wish would come true
A dream where I delivered a beautiful baby boy
A dream where the akhar taken from our holy book was "r"
A dream where we called him Rupraaj
A name where in reality playfully came up with if it was a boy
A dream where we were crying tears of joy
A dream where we finally became parents
A dream where our bond grew stronger instantly
A dream where we were no longer two, but three.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I wish

I read an "I wish" list of a TTCian. It was in Malay and I translated it here to English. Somewhere deep down in us who are trying, yes, we do feel that if only we could easily conceive. If only we could then we would feel complete being a woman. No no, don't worry, I am not getting all emotional etc. It's just a post that I read and want to share it out here. 

I wish to see him happy with the news
I wish to see him wait so anxiously for the arrival of our little miracle
I wish to see him whisper a prayer into the ears of our little miracle when he/she is born
I wish to see him carry our little miracle
I wish to see him sleep next to our little miracle
I wish to see him hug & kiss our little miracle
I wish to see them giggle and laugh together
I wish to see our little miracle
I wish to see the happiness in him when he becomes a father
I wish to also hear him say 'Thank you love, for you gave birth to our little miracle that we have been longing for'.

Thank you iwannabeumie for sharing!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Modem gone Kaput

Our home modem has gone kaput. Yeap, since Friday that is. So it kinda suck not having WiFi at home. See, I don't use data on my phone, it's always the WiFi at home. So not having WiFi is kinda odd. But it's not like I can't live without it.

It got me thinking how some people especially the younger generation depend on the internet so much. They don't go out and seek entertainment, instead their entertainment is solely relying on the internet. A colleague's daughter, who opted not to continue school any longer, sits in front of her computer from the time she wakes up, until the time she sleeps at wee hours in the morning. That's all her life is. Everyday. Yes, every single day.

Then the company my husband works for partly deals with students from various colleges and universities. Oh my God, when I hear the kind of complains these students have - and all related to the internet - makes me wonder, don't they have a life outside this world wide web? All they want is to play their online games, download movies, etc.

What is becoming to children of this era? I remember during my childhood days, my brother and I used to play badminton outside our house in Johor Bahru. We used to have stuff to do outside. To occupy ourselves. When I learnt how to ride a bicycle, thanks to my grandfather, I used to go and practice daily. Yes, I fell down, I cried, and did it all over again. When cousins got together, there was a lot of teasing, playing pranks on each other - especially on me, because I was the only girl - but it was fun. Now? Now children find that the internet is a way of life.

Yes, technology evolves. Yes, we all evolve. Using technology for the right purpose, (and yes for some entertainment too which includes social networking) is the right way. But to be depending on the internet to make your day is rubbish.
All images in this post courtesy of Google Images

Friday, October 12, 2012

IVF - 1st Appointment

Firstly, my first injection for IVF starts on day 22 of my next month's cycle. The reason: Pantai Hsp is having renovations going on - next to the IVF lab, our doctor is not in favor to have embryos be affected in any way because of the paint fumes. He wants to ensure that nothing affects the quality of the embryos. He has put on hold any IVF treatments for patients until the renovation is over and done with.

That's the first injection part. Before that, we have to do blood tests etc (both of us). There will be a few more visits to the doctor. They will also do a mock transfer to ensure the doctor is familiar with 'my passage'  and gets it right when he does the real embryo transfer. Didn't know all this happens as well. But it gives us confidence to know that our doctor is "particular".

The doctor's own words: "It is a very high roller coaster that you both would have ever taken. Emotionally, mentally & physically". Also, he wants us to have OCD in us - because he wants us to be really kiasu about this IVF. The jabs has to be taken precisely at the same time every day. I will be doing long protocol - so the first part of the injections will last 14 days, then the next part of the injections another week or so. He doesn't want us to slack in any way - or become lazy - or take it lightly. No excuses are accepted. 

Side effects: Yes, there are. I may have menopausal symptom. Every women is different. So can't say for sure. As for weight gain - it's more of a myth - because women tend to eat a lot during this time due to stress. The hormone levels when the first injection is taken drop really low. But if we control our diet and exercise lightly, it should be ok. There is a list of side effects that he will share with us when he sees us after our blood test results are out end of this month. There will be a consent signing session as well in one of the appointments before the IVF.

Since I am suspected to have tubal hydrosalpinx, he will confirm with my file in Pantai when I did the surgery whether the affected tube was clipped or not. Otherwise, I will have to do that surgery first, before starting IVF. Oh and Chinese herbs are a no no starting now.

He did a scan yday and saw I have one egg, ready to pop anytime. Advised us to have sex everyday for the next 5 to 7 days beginning last night. Who knows, we may just get lucky. If it really does happen, it will be the highlight of this whole journey!

Baby dust to all!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The beginning to a last resort - cont.

The journey ahead is full of meds, needles and procedures,
We only can hope & pray the Lord blesses us with a little bundle of joy,
For we have come a long long way and no doubt we have grown stronger,
        Oh Lord, as long as it’s a success & a healthy baby, it don’t matter girl or boy.

Monday, October 8, 2012

The beginning to a last resort

Next cycle (end of this month) will be 6 months since my surgery. I would have used up my 'grace period' given by the reproductive specialist. Hence, the journey to IVF begins. We had already gone for a consultation. This Thursday will be our moving forward appointment. The schedule for the various blood tests etc and to get the schedule for the whole process, including schedule for the payments. We will be taking a personal loan for this.

I am less burden by this now especially since hubby has openly accepted this journey. Mentally he's all game for it. He only wishes that I didn't have to go through the injections and that we had our own extra cash to spare, instead of a loan. But the more we delay, the more complications we might have to face. So now he's on the same page with me - let's get this over and done with. If successful, it will be one of the most happiest moments for us. If it doesn't, then we can move on with our lives. Especially me.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Why fake your face?

Why? Why do women love to put on LAYERS of make up?! To hide what? From whom? Okay, YES, I am a woman... born as one, still am. But I ain't like the "general" type. I try not to wear foundation - except maybe if I am going for a function or some fancy place. I only wear lipstick/gloss, eyeliner and blusher - that is IF I am up for it for that day. Otherwise, it's just plain ol' lipstick/gloss. That's it. Yes, no foundation, no corrector, no concealer, no primer, no whatever else women slather on their faces on a daily basis! Oh I didn't even know there are more to skincare than just cleansing, toning and moisturizing! Only when I turned 31 I started to try to begin to use better skin care - that's just cuz I am aging!

I remember when my husband and I arranged for a meet up the first time ever 8 1/2 years ago.. my words to him were - "I am not like a typical girl, what you see, is what you get and please, I am not into arranged marriages either".

Yes, that's another story on how we met. Will write about it one day. It can be a biography man. Or a drama in a book form! 
But I can't fathom why women wear so much of make up. Imagine when you date, your boyfriend sees you with make up, but when you get married, are you going to put on make up wee early in the mornings just so that he sees you looking 'beautiful'? No wonder some men think their wives are no longer as how they were before getting married.
Oh, have you seen celebs with and without makeup? It will shock you to your core.
Inner beauty is the best foundation - unknown.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

SK-II Facial Treatment Essence

Never ever did I imagine that I would own the above in my well, errm, lifetime? Haha Well, the day came. 31 years old and I got a super branded facial product! Well, in all honesty, it was a gift from hubby :) Out of the blue.  

The bottle came to RM199 (75ml - the small bottle). And I think knowing me, it will last me about 3 to 4 months :)  You can choose to use it with a cotton or the palm of your hand. Personally I prefer using my palm. 
I started using it on the 25th of Sept night. I only use it once a day - that is at night - after cleansing and toning. As I write this post, it is exactly 9 days of usage. I don't see a great big difference on my face as yet. But I have gotten two pimples since then. I rarely get pimples out of nowhere. But this was expected - I was informed by the sales person that this would happen. 

I am looking to see after a month's use, how much improvement would it have on my face. Hubby says my face looks clearer... hmm don't quite get that.. but anyway, let's just wait and see.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

French beans with tempeh

Have you seen this packet? 

Well, it doesn't only necessarily make prawn sambal, but it also can be used for making anchovies sambal (to go along with nasi lemak), or french beans with tempeh. 

I was in a hurry to cook up some dinner, so decided to try this out. 

Please please, don't follow the instructions at the back where they tell you to add oil and fry bla bla bla... This paste already has a ton of oil in it. I try not to use paste mix often because the trouble I have to go through to sieve the paste (yes, to remove as much oil as I can). 

Ok here goes:

1. French beans - wash and cut to desired style and length
2. 1 onion - chopped
3. 4 pips of garlic - chopped
4. 1/4 inch of ginger - chopped
5. Tempeh- chopped to small cubes and pan fried
6. Approx 3 tablespoons of Brahim's Sambal paste mix
7. 1 or 2 green or red chillies 
Add the paste mix into the wok. Then add the onions, garlic and ginger. Add 1/2 cup of water. Let it simmer. Add the french beans & green or red chillies and stir fry for a bit. Then add the tempeh. Stir it all up and your vege is done :)  

Before serving, add some peanuts. Do this only before serving - otherwise the nuts will be soggy and it will ruin the taste for it all.


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