Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Talking to your spouse about Sex

Have you ever spoken to your spouse about your fantasy? What you like and dislike doing & be done upon? In 8 years, I could never speak to hubs about sex. Complaining about having no sexual life and my frustration to the point of asking myself "Why am I in this marriage?" - was what it was all about. Better I be alone and have no expectation, no need for being a wife, a DIL, etc etc. Right? 

Then came "the talk". Now how we ended up having the talk is another story, another day.

We spoke about an issue that he was facing, and then that led to the issue at hand as well - SEX. Ooooo the taboo word innit? Oh c'mon. 

My fantasy before I got married was to have a threesome - MMF that is. Hah!

We never spoke about it before because this topic was something he used to just brush it off. But I think every couple should be open about it. I mean, how would you know if you don't ask and listen to your partner - whether he/she likes oral sex? Role play? Whether he/she likes to explore? I mean if you can't even talk about it, then something is wrong right? Either one of the partner will definitely reach to the point where I am. Or should I say, was, a few days ago. 

I am glad that conversation happened. I accept the fact that his libido is 6 feet underground, but he has to accept the fact that mine is not. At all. So that's how I am so bloody frustrated. I am glad he is coming out of the cocoon. He is beginning to talk. He is beginning to show that he loves me, in that way. In a way only a husband can make a wife feel. Unless of course, the wife starts to wonder around, and start having flings. Which I am very much against. If you wanna do that, then leave and do it.

He is beginning to instill confidence in me, that he can be the husband I need. He just needs a bit more time to be over with this issue that is in his head right now. Hey, like the psychiatrist we met said to me, "You've been in this for 8 years, wait a few more months before you decide anything". 

Yes, I believe miracles can happen. But I was beginning to be impatient.

To walk out of something, is easy. To take time to consider, fight over it, do anything to try to save it, is something else all together. 


  1. Hi Mrs...was very interesting reading your post. I had similar problems with my partner....but sadly our marriage did not survive (in addition to other problems as well). In the beginning, sex was always great between us as we both had high libido....somehow his interest in me waned after I had my daughter. He even told me so cause he was in the delivery room! We did not have sex for almost 10 months after our baby arrived. I was extremely frustrated. Another issue that constantly bothered me was that my husband was dead set against oral sex (as in performing!) He seemed happy enough to be on the receiving side....no amount of talking him into it worked. I explained that it was a perfectly natural thing to do...but he just refused and said that he never did it with previous girlfriends and also would never do it with me. His reasoning : it was disgusting. After a while I accepted it as my fate...but sadly throughout the years we were together, I only had an orgasm once...that too on our honeymoon. I was very frustrated sexually and this caused many rifts between us....even in day to day stuff. I turned to food for comfort and put on a lot of weight and this turned him off even more. Sometimes when he thought I was asleep, I would catch him masturbating....that was the ultimate insult....he rather satisfy himself even though his wife was just next to him. We parted ways about 7 years together. glad you and hubby worked things out :)

    1. Hi! Sorry that yours didn't work out. If your partner isn't open to hearing you out and your suggestions, then I am sure that's a whole different level of difficulty. Being sexually frustrated will surely affect your day to day living together. I know how that feels. I hope you have been strong moving on. Hugs.


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