Remember how I rambled about asexual marriage bla bla bla ? Well, it came to a point where I was so depressed, that I asked for a separation. My reasons were clear. But little did I realize, it wasn't entirely him, it was me too. Hubby is definitely a one of a kind man - in a good way. My cousin SIL would always tell me how she wishes her hubs was like mine. It never occurred to me that each time he tried to get close to me, I was shutting him off. My mind had been preoccupied with family matters - either I was too busy taking care of NanaJi, then the passing away, and now my parents - it's never ending! I am here physically with him, but not mentally. Now for him, connecting mentally is way more important than physically. My drive may be sky high and his isn't, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want it. He wants it for the right reasons and me - satisfaction. Ouch. A slap on my face, literally.
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As much as I used to say to him "You are like a bloody tape recorder, you keep up at it for a while, and back to square one again". I am just the same - I keep up at being close to him, and then I drift again - lost in my chores, my responsibilities, my exhaustion, my depression.
The reason he never told me the truth, is because I would have just been very defensive and probably screamed my head off. I guess there's a timing for everything.
And it's time I buck up as well.